Spanish Lady
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Review by TATTOODUDE, April, 2013
Looking for a hot chick to give a nuru massage like you see in the videos on all the porn tube site? Did you check out Thespanishlady's website and see that hot piece of ass in the pics looking all sexy. From the pics, her place looks nice huh? The pictures, ha. Not even close. Well it is all a lie. I visited her last week and was unpleasantly surprised. Here is the truth. Short version Its nothing like what you think. Find someone else. The Good She was very pleasant and great attitude. In her head she was doing an awesome job. In her head she is smoking hot and acts accordingly. She even said, I have a perfect ass. No wonder all the guys always want to do me in the butt. She does use nuru brand nuru gel. She has the room fairly warm. There is a shower available with lots of different kinds of soap, deodorants and mouthwash. She offered me a drink. She had some music on. Very talkative before and after. Very welcoming. Very self assured of her abilities. Private parking. Didn't answer any phone calls during my time. The Bad Looks nothing like the pictures. She had saggy breast, saggy ass, bad c-section scar, at least 4 or 5 bad/ugly tattoos. Looked like she has seen some hard miles/rode hard put away wet, hair was total train wreck. Room was nasty dirty. Bathroom was falling apart and dirty. Toilet didn't work. Wouldn't shut up/kept talking the whole time. Looked kind of cracked out. Says she is spanish, but if I had to guess, I'm guessing half white/half black, which I thought was funny because she asked if I Mexican or Indian and then said that she doesn't do black guys. When you go down the super steep driveway, you get out and look around and think, ok this is the part I get mugged right? Place is run down. Little rat dog was barking. Repeatedly told me that feels good huh. Kept telling how great it was gonna be. Well stop telling and do it then. The air mattress leaked so it started out firm but by the end it was all saggy and awkward. She sat on my leg at one point while she rubbed. Sat there long enough plus with the leaking air mattress that it started to really hurt. Not petite as described. Short and saggy would be the best way to describe her. Massage was short and not good at all. Seemed like the nuru gel was mixed with way too much water. it was very running instead of gel like you see on the tube sites. Kept making jokes that were not funny. Tried to invite herself back to my hotel. Kept asking if I was coming back and when she should expect me again. Talks with a ghetto/country accent. Not much body to body massage. Ok, get there, no light on outside so I can't really see what she looks like when I get there. Speaks kind of ghetto country. I go inside and upstairs to the room. Its really dim so I can't see too much detail or how dirty it was at first. She tells me to get in the shower, rinse off real quick but don't dry off and leave donation on the table. Said I could hang my clothes up, but the closet door looked like it was going to fall off if I touched it. The whole time she was moving around getting stuff ready so I couldn't get a good look at her face in the dim light. She only had a partially buttoned up mans dress shirt on so her butt and breasts were was just peeking out. I kept trying to get a peak but couldn't see that well and figured I'd know soon enough. So I go in the bathroom. Flip on the light and I was surprised how dirty and run down it was. Used the toilet, but it didn't flush. Shower looked ok. Rinsed off left the batroom and got on the air mattress. Now I'm totally snow blind. Can't see much. She tells me to lay face down. I sink into the air mattress. She turns on the pump and says tell me when its firm. After a few minutes of the pump screaming in my ear she turns it off. So now she starts the massage and says she only has two rules...